Meet the Parents

Ever seen that movie "Meet the Parents"? Its always been relative to me because of the male nurse jokes. I've even had a 70-some patient call me Gaylord once. Nice.


Now its relative to me for a new reason: the parents! I've never had very good luck with parents of girl's I've dated, particularly the father. In fact, I dated a girl in college who, despite a year and a half relationship, never gave me the time of day. Oh well.


For the past 16 months I've been dating a great girl named Nicole. I met Nicole's parents a year ago or more, and they are great people. Very welcoming, very nice, over all a good experience. With one exception....they are exercise freaks.


I am not.


A great portion of their life seems focused around exercise, health, and sports.


Much less of mine is.


I'm terrible at sports. Terrible. Horrendous. Its just not in me. I watch a track meet and get winded. I see a basketball game and sweat. Get the picture?


I do enjoy some of them though. Recently, my girlfriend bought me a tennis racket. I've never touched one, but we went out to the court and tried. After an initial hour of rage, I began to enjoy myself.


And that brings us to today's story.


We spent the weekend and my girlfriend's parents, and they wanted to play tennis. I've turned them down on their various offers to join them in the basement for Saturday workouts, so I figured I'd give them a game of tennis. Should be fine. After all, in my family if we say "let's go play some tennis" it really means "let's go leisurely hit a ball around". I can do that.


Wrong.


"let's play tennis" means "lets play tennis". Doubles, all the rules, right into it. Chris can barely swing a racket, and he's playing doubles. With the sports family. I don't even know the rules or how its played!

"Chris, switch sides"


"Chris, switch sides"


"Chris, switch sides"


"Deuce"


"........What?"





Is tennis made up by drunk people? You do one thing right and you get 15 points? Where does that come from. And Deuce, Love, Advantage? Aren't all of those heartworm medicines?

So Chris is swinging his racket, looking like a foot. The ball goes 1 of 2 places. Straight into the net, or over the fence and halfway to the car. I served at least 15 times before I knew where I was serving to.


"Out."


"Out."


"Where the heck is out???!!!"





At this point, I can't help but feel a bit out of place. We finish, and they are very good about it all. I go down to the room I'm staying, and for the first time really notice the sports themed wall paper boarder, the posters of sports stars, and the designs for basketball shoes sketched by her brothers when they were young.

"One of these things is not like the other, one of things just doesn't belong".......I think it might be me. Suddenly, I truly notice my gut and my scrawny arms. I'm realizing, I hope they are cool with me the way I am, because I'm sure different. I can play the guitar better than average, I sing pretty well, I understand medicine, and I am on okay shot with a gun. But I'll always be a little bit like the guy from "Meet the parents".....not quite sure where I fit in!